


Never Let You Go

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:07:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean had a plan... and now he hates it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The room was dim and Elijah kept it that way as he carefully tip toed past several snoring forms littering the floor of his hotel room. It had been quite the party and they'd done Bacchus proud. Evidently proud enough that several attendees couldn’t make it home afterward. He leaned over a body to grab his messenger bag, then peered at the sleeping face to see if he knew it. He didn't, and the realization made him frown.

Snagging his suit jacket with two reaching fingers, he stumbled into the suite's kitchen hoping against hope that there'd be a cold beer left from last night's blowout. Best breakfast in the world when you were hung-over. Cold beer. His throat felt dry and the raw beginnings of a headache thrummed in his head.  
He patted his jacket pocket, thinking that he had left a small bottle of aspirin there. "Damn," he muttered. Empty.

"Coffee?" A voice enquired, nearly scaring Elijah out of his skin.

"Jesus!" He yelped, jumping.

Mackenzie Astin laughed softly. "Sorry, dude."

"What the fuck, Mac!" Elijah muttered. "What the hell you doing up?" He peered speculatively at the younger Astin brother. "Or have you even been to bed."

Mac snickered and handed Elijah a steaming mug. "Careful. Hot."

Elijah nodded as he took the mug, then blew on the coffee as he perched himself on a stool next to the tiny breakfast nook. "Where's Sean?"

Mac pointed at the ceiling, indicating the room above Elijah's where Sean and Mac were staying.

"Still asleep, huh."

"Last I looked, yeah."

"I didn't see him leave last night. Was he drunk?"

"Everyone was drunk, Elijah. It's Mardi Gras."

Elijah glowered at him, then leaned over his coffee mug. "What the hell you doing here?"

"We didn't have any coffee."

Elijah nodded, sipping from the coffee cup while it rested on the bar. "I barely saw Sean after the parade."

Mackenzie's shoulders rose and fell slowly. "You were occupied. He didn't want to intrude."

"Oh, right. Like Sean could be an intrusion."

"Well, now you're giving me YOUR opinion. I was giving you his."

"He honestly felt he'd be intruding?" Elijah asked, sitting up straighter to stare at Mackenzie. "What the fuck's up with that? That's crazy, Mac!"

"Well, Pam was here and you were with friends your own age and all," Mac said, quietly.

Elijah sagged and slowly thumped his head against the bar's dark surface. His words were a low moan that emerged in time with the thudding of his head against the countertop: "Not again. Not again. Not again."

Mac snorted. "You act surprised!"

"Listen, Mac," Elijah said, sitting up with a jerk. "This whole damned… THING," he sketched an all encompassing circle with his index finger. "… was HIS idea! Not mine."

"Pam still asleep?" Mac asked, refilling his mug and straddling the stool next to Elijah's.

"She left last night. Had to meet the band."

Mackenzie nodded, and Elijah turned to look at him, speaking emphatically: “HIS idea, Mac!"

"Elijah, I know. He told me. He's told me at least a dozen times in the past 24 hours."

Elijah lowered his head again, sipping coffee without touching the mug. Staring thoughtfully over it. Then he lifted his head and turned to face Mackenzie.

"Was he upset?"

"Of course, he was upset, Elijah! He was miserable even before he got drunk, and that only added to it."

"He told you it was his fault?"

"Very emphatically told me," Mac said, turning toward Elijah. "He told me…" Mackenzie pretend-slammed his fist into the solid front of the bar and cried out in a hoarse shout: 'It's all my fault!' Then he stared into Elijah's eyes. "… like that."

"Shhhhh!" Elijah said, grabbing his arm and pointing toward the living room. "Jesus, you'll wake them! I don't even know half those people." He stared at Mackenzie silently for a long moment, then sighed. "He hit something?"

"A wall and several pieces of furniture. I put a stop to it as soon as I saw what he was doing, but he managed to get a few good shots in first. Good damned thing he was shit-faced or he'da broke his fucking hand."

"Oh, Christ, he's gonna hate himself this morning."

"I think the ship had pretty much sailed on that one before the fist-bashing ever started."

"So now he doesn't like the arrangement HE insisted we have… right?"

"Seemingly so."

"What does he want me to DO, Mac?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Elijah stared at him furiously. "NOTHING?"

"Nothing, Elijah. He won't bother you about it. He won't say a word. He knows he made this bed, and he's determined to lie in it even if it kills him. He supposes that you're happy with Pam and he won't intrude on that."

"Well, what the fuck, Mac! He's happy with his wife… but that didn't stop us from…" Elijah hesitated. "From… caring for each other."

"Happy with her?" Mackenzie mused. "I think he loves her. She's a nice person and a great mom. But I'm not sure 'happy' would define his current mood."

Elijah's brows rose questioningly. "He seems happy enough."

Mackenzie rose and walked to the fridge. "Does he? Damn! I'm hungry. No food left?" He checked the fridge but came up empty.

"I think there's some pizza in the living room."

"Pass. It stinks in there."

"Yeah. It does." Elijah grabbed Mackenzie's sleeve. "Should I go talk to him, Mac?"

Mackenzie stared at him, leaning on the refrigerator door. "Elijah, he loves you. That much I know. He loves you. God KNOWS he didn't want to. But… he does. He made the 'let's keep our distance' rule because he was scared to death of what being intimately involved with you all the time might lead him to do."

"Such as…"

"Such as leaving her."

Elijah snorted. "Fat chance."

"He's talked about it."

"Talkin’ ain't doin', Mac," Elijah said, shaking his head. "I don't see it ever happening. His career… mine… the girls… yada yada… fuck it all… I don't see it happening."

"I do."

Elijah's laugh was a humorless bark.

"You notice anything odd about his left hand?" Mackenzie said, pawing through the trash on the counter. "Ah HA!" he yelped, coming up with a relatively full bag of chips. "Well? Did you?"

"His left hand?"

"He's not wearing his ring," Mac told him, reseating himself next to Elijah.

"He's not?"

"Wasn't wearing it at ORC either."

"Why?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

"He won't leave them, Mac."

"Maybe not now, he won't. Maybe not for years. But, there'll come a time, Elijah. There'll come a time when he'll give you the 'Goonie' line and do it."

"Goonie line?"

"It's OUR time…." Mac said, smiling.

Early morning light was beginning to creep through the window and Elijah studied Mackenzie's face hoping to read something in his expression. Seeing nothing there, he pushed his mug back and got off the stool. "I’m going up there."

Mackenzie shrugged and slid the room key across the counter. "Give him my love."

Elijah pocketed the key, grabbed his coffee and turned toward the door.. then hesitated and turned back. "Give me a coffee for him."

Mackenzie obliged, and Elijah tip-toed to the door. Once there, he wrangled both coffee mugs into one hand so he could open it. Looking toward the kitchen he saw Mackenzie grinning at him and flipped him the bird before pulling the door shut behind him.

The elevator doors opened the moment he nudged the up button with his elbow, and he entered. Shifting the coffee mugs again, he pressed the button for the 7th floor and stood there thinking as it 'whooshed' its way up.

"Is this a mistake?" Elijah wondered. "He seemed really adamant when he said he wanted us to stop meeting." He sighed sadly. "Though," Elijah thought again, "he also seemed awfully sad."

He thought about ORC, and how happy Sean had been to be with him that day. His smile had absolutely beamed any time he looked Elijah's way, and though they'd had zero alone time, Sean had touched him several times with warmth and love. He smiled at the memory, thinking how much that day had meant to him, and how happy he'd been to be with Sean. He was pondering these thoughts when the elevator doors parted, and he walked out and stood, alone, on the 7th floor.

"Fuck it," he murmured, and made his way to the door of Sean's room where he stood for a moment fumbling for the keycard. "Jesus," he muttered aloud. "I just hope this doesn't end up being a bad idea." He took a deep breath and slid the key down the slot.

The green light shone and Elijah slowly opened the door. The drapes in the room were drawn, and the room was dark. He moved forward carefully, wondering if he dared turn on a light. He knew Sean was a fairly light sleeper, but he didn't want to trip and fall, and in one fell swoop turn a dignified entrance into a bumbling, coffee-dripping fiasco. He felt his hip nudge a piece of furniture, and as his eyes began to adjust to the light he saw a dresser next to him, and two beds against the opposite wall, one of them obviously occupied.

He tip-toed to it softly and sat the two coffee mugs down on the table next to it. "Sean," he whispered. "Seanie?"

No answer. Elijah sighed and reached out his hand… then hesitated. He knelt beside the bed and gazed quietly. Sean was facing him, he was on his side, his hands curled in front of him, chest rising and falling softly with each breath. He looked peaceful, and Elijah felt a moment of panic. "Do I have the right to disturb that peace?" he thought. "All our relationship ever seemed to do is leave him feeling guilty and full of pain."

His eyes fell to Sean's hands, curled together in an attitude so innocently childlike that it brought swift tears to Elijah's eyes. He looked so vulnerable lying there. His hands seemed to entreat, to beg for kindness, and Elijah felt his heart melt. Overwhelmed with feeling, his hand moved almost of its own accord and softly touched Sean's hair.

The hazel eyes slowly open.

"Hey," Elijah whispered. "It's me."

Sean blinked at him, still half asleep. He held Elijah's gaze, seemingly transfixed, as though he looked at him through a dream. Then his eyes seemed to focus and he smiled. The hazel eyes softened as he beheld Elijah, and his face glowed with a simple, naked love, offered in that moment without pretense or reservation. His whole heart seemed reflected in his gaze, and Elijah felt his own heart dissolve. He wished he could stop time and hold the two of them frozen in this moment forever.

"Hi," Sean whispered, shakily. He lowered his head and though he didn't move away, the distance between them seemed to expand. Elijah sighed and lowered his eyes, feeling a terrible loneliness close over him like a suffocating mask. The moment was ended. The wall was back up.

"What're you doing here?" Sean asked quietly.

"Came up to see you. Brought you coffee." He nodded his head toward the coffee cup on the table.

Sean yawned, stretched, then he nodded and held out his hand. "Good! I need it."

Elijah laughed softly as he offered the mug, then froze as he noticed the bruised, scraped knuckles on Sean's right hand. He looked quickly away with a soft inhale of dismay.

Sean noted the direction of his eyes, but took the mug without comment. He leaned on one arm and sipped, then sat the mug back on the table. "Mmmm, yeah. That's good." He glanced toward the other bed. "You seen Mac?"

"Down in my room. Scrounging for food. He made this." Elijah held up his coffee mug. "Said you two didn't have any."

Sean nodded.

"So… you came to bring me coffee?"

"And to talk to you."

Sean nodded again. "OK."

His eyes were wary now, not meeting Elijah's. He was gnawing on his lower lip thoughtfully, studying the bedspread.

"What were you thinking when you first saw me?"

"I dunno. Why do you ask?"

"Because your face was so - so - oh, I don't know. So -" He stretched out his arm and lifted Sean's chin until their eyes met. "So loving. So - so glad to see me."

"Elijah…"

"You asked me."

"I know, but… Lij, you know - you know what… " Sean sighed in exasperation. "You know, Lij."

"What do I know, Sean? That you don't want me around?"

Sean glanced up suddenly. "No!" he said, sharply. "That's not true!" He shook his head. "Jesus, Lij. You know better than that."

"Do I?"

"You should!"

"We can't be together anymore. That's what you said! That doesn't add up to not wanting me around?" Elijah was surprised at his own vehemence. He hadn't realized he felt this angry. He sighed and withdrew his hand, trying not to see the sadness in Sean's eyes.

"Lij, that was never what I meant! You KNOW why I said we couldn't be - we couldn't do - oh, Christ!" He scrabbled his hand through his hair in frustration. "You know!"

"Stop saying that."

"But you DO know, Elijah," Sean said almost pleadingly. "You know how I feel about you. You know how I want things to be between us. You KNOW why I backed away. It wasn't because I don't want you around me. It's because I want you around me every minute of my life!"

“You’ve had a brilliant way of showing it for the past few months.”

Sean stared at the sheet for a long time, and when he looked up Elijah felt his stomach constrict with guilt. Elijah adored the openness and innocence, the almost childlike sweetness of Sean's face. But now the face that he loved was twisted with misery, and Elijah mentally kicked himself.

They both spoke at the same time.

“Listen, Sean…”

“I know, Lij. God, I know.”

“Sean, listen. I’m sorry. I was wrong to say that. You did what you thought was right.”

Sean said nothing. His eyes fell to the sheet again.

“Hey,” Elijah said softly. “Not trying to talk you into something or anything… but Mac told me you were tired of the ‘not seeing each other’ plan. Are you?”

“He told you that?”

“Yeah. Was he wrong?”

Sean glanced at him almost shyly. “You have a different plan in mind?”

“I think I could come up with something if you gave me a minute or two.”

Sean shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What?” Elijah queried, leaning closer to him.

“I said: Your girlfriend’s pretty.”

“So’s your wife.”

Sean shot him a half-smile.

Tentatively, Elijah reached out his hand and hooked his index finger around Sean’s as it lay on the bed. “Hey,” he said softly, tugging on Sean’s finger. “Can’t you talk to ME about it?”

Sean didn’t withdraw his hand, nor did he grasp Elijah’s finger. He simply looked down at their joined fingers, then slowly lifted his head to look at Elijah.

“I don’t think you understand me. I didn’t back away because I don’t love you. I backed away because I love you too much.” Sean sighed heavily. He blushed and took a shaky breath. “Because I want you too much.”

The air in the room suddenly seemed close… almost stifling. Elijah’s chest ached with sadness and, again, he tugged on Sean’s finger, leaning closer to him. “Sean, please. I feel so lonely without you in my life. Can’t we at least talk?”

“Oh, god, baby, of course we can talk. I just didn’t want to intrude on any happiness you may have found.” He shook his head despairingly. “What can I give you? What can I give you that could compare to what you already have?”

Elijah laughed softly and leaned on the bed, inching closer to Sean. “I’ll spare you the obvious answer.”

Sean threw him a disbelieving look.

“Fuck it, Sean! Why talk to me about what I already have? I don’t care what I already have! It’s worthless if what I NEED is something else entirely.”

Sean studied his face. “You seem happy with Pam.”

“I am! I love her dearly. She’s my friend. She’s a sweet person and we have great fun together. But it’s not the same as – as us.” He tugged again on Sean’s finger and this time the hand gave way and moved slowly toward him.

“You know what’s worse than losing someone you love because they don’t love you anymore?” Elijah asked him.

“What?” Sean whispered, his fingers creeping hesitantly around Elijah’s.

“Losing someone you love and at the same time having to know that they still love you as much as you love them.”

Elijah’s hand disappeared as it was slowly enveloped in both of Sean’s. “Lij,” Sean choked, lifting Elijah’s hand to his lips. He kissed it softly, then used the back of his own hand to swipe quickly across his eyes.

“It’s worse, Sean. Worse than you not loving me. You look at me, and I see it in your eyes. I see the love there. I see the longing. Then you turn away and it nearly fucking kills me! Is THIS really your plan for us? Is this how you show you love me?”

“Elijah, please!” Sean still clutched Elijah’s hand in both of his. He bent his head and pressed his forehead against it, then slowly opened Elijah’s hand and pressed the palm to his cheek, holding it there with trembling fingers.

“You can’t know what it’s like for me,” Sean whispered hoarsely. “How much I miss you.”

“Then put an end to this! It’s not working. I hate it! YOU hate it! It was a mistake, Sean. You and I belong together. I know you, Sean. I know you better than anyone… even Chris. I KNOW your heart is big enough to love BOTH of us!”

Sean stared at him silently.

Elijah pulled on Sean’s left hand, drawing it toward him. “Where’s your ring?”

“At home,” Sean murmured. “In a drawer.”

“You weren’t wearing it at ORC either. Why?”

“Because wearing it feels like a lie.”

Elijah tugged Sean’s right hand to him as well. Now, holding both hands, he gazed into Sean’s eyes. “And what happened here?” he asked softly, running his thumb gently over Sean’s knuckles which were livid with bruises, the skin partially scraped off.

Sean shot him a look. “Well, thanks to my brother’s big mouth, I’m sure you already know what happened.” He sighed.

“Don’t pick on Mac. He loves you a lot.”

Sean’s only answer was a scowl.

Looking up, Elijah could see that the curtains behind the bed were brighter. The sun was coming up. He sighed, and dropping Sean’s hands, he leaned back. “I swore I wouldn’t do this. I swore I wouldn’t try to talk you out of your decision. And here I am, doing just that. And feeling like shit about it. Jesus, Sean,” Elijah said sadly. “I don’t want to be a home-wrecker! I don’t want to hurt Chris and the girls.” He felt suddenly very forlorn. “But right now, I’m hurting too,” he whispered.

“Don’t!” Sean told him reaching to glide his fingertips down Elijah’s cheek. “Listen to me. I have something to give you. Something I’ve been carrying around with me for a long time.” He gazed at Elijah in silence for a moment, then sat up and climbed out of bed. “Hang on. Let me get it.”

The dim light in the room turned Sean into a ghostly shadow. Elijah followed him with his eyes as he rifled through a duffle bag lying nearby. Suddenly he turned to Elijah, smiling, holding something in his hand.

“Got it!”

He returned to the bed and sat down on top of the covers, holding the small item in his hand. To Elijah it looked like a small book… or a card of some sort. Sean said nothing. He simply held it in both his hands and gazed at Elijah quietly. Then he sighed. “I’m scared to give you this.”

“What?" Elijah said quietly, hurt. "C’mon, Sean,”

“I mean it. It’s got so much of my heart in it. I’ve wanted to give it to you for months. Almost ever since I put that jackass plan into action. But, I was afraid you’d think it was… sappy. Or stupid. Or… I dunno, something worse.”

“Like what?”

“Like… you’d pat my arm and say ‘Thanks!’, then walk away from me.”

He lowered his head, still clutching the small book, then without looking up, he suddenly held it out to Elijah who could see that the hand extended to him was trembling.

Slowly he took the book from Sean’s hand. “Hit the lamp, Seanie. I want to see this.”

Silently, Sean turned on the bedside lamp.

Elijah examined the book carefully. The cover was ivory-colored, and the paper was gold-edged. His name was printed on the front in gold leaf. He opened the book to find only two pages, both covered with Sean’s scrawling handwriting.

Dearest Elijah,

Forgive me for being such an incredible fool. And please know how much I love you.

Sean.

The opposite page contained a longer message.

For my Elijah

You are the breeze that dances lightly  
Cooling my flesh as I lie sleeping.  
You are the storm that makes me hunger  
Under your hands as I lie breathing.

You are the sun that touches gently..  
Giving your light when the darkness comes.  
You are the moon that leaves me wondering..  
Just who I am when we lie, touching.

You are the sea that moves and shakes me  
Quenching my soul’s deep thirst for joy.  
You are the lake, the water’s stillness  
Taking me where the peace shines softly.

You are the love that leaves me breathless  
You are the path to all I hope for.  
You are the best of all my wonders  
Binding me to you. . . never parting.

 

Please don’t doubt me, even when I deserve it. I don’t want to beg you, but I will if I have to... please take me back.

I love you.

Sean.

“Beautiful,” Elijah breathed. He felt deeply moved by the poem. This was Sean’s way of baring his soul. Of giving himself in absolute openness. When he wrote poetry, it was an act of complete intimacy with nothing held back.

“Seanie,” Elijah said. “How can I thank you for this?” All Elijah saw was the top of his bent head. Then he heard a soft mutter and Sean lifted his head. “No need for thanks,” he murmured.

Elijah leaned toward the bed and stretched out a hand. “You’ve got your ‘roast chicken’ face on,” Elijah told him, stroking Sean’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “You know. Expression number 15.”

Sean looked down at him. The sadness in his face was replaced by a slow smile. “Did you like the poem?”

Elijah smiled back. “I loved it.” He looked quietly into Sean’s eyes. “How ‘bout letting me lie down with you?”

Sean swallowed hard. “Yeah. That’d be good.” He scooted to the other side of the bed to make room, then watched while Elijah stretched out beside him. Their eyes met, then Sean quickly gathered him close.

For a long moment there were no words spoken, then Sean shook his head. “I only have one thought,” he said thickly. “Can’t find any other. Going through my mind again and again.”

“And it is…” Elijah coaxed.

Sean started to speak, then hesitated. His eyes met Elijah’s again, they held a look of amused self disparagement. “If I say what I’m feeling I’ll sound like the biggest fucking sap on Earth.”

“Oh well, now I HAVE to hear it,” Elijah said, laughing.

Sean drew his fingers slowly down Elijah’s cheek. “At the innermost part of me,” he whispered hoarsely, “… at the core of my soul - buried so deep inside me that I don’t even know if I could find the place, there is a little man standing there screaming.”

Elijah drew back and frowned. “Screaming what?” He asked, clearly worried.

Sean pressed his lips together, then he shook his head and looked at Elijah sadly. “Hell, Lij, I dunno. Your name probably. All I know is, he can't find his way out and I don't know how to reach him. All I know is… he's screaming.”

“Jesus, Sean,” Elijah whispered. He reached for Sean wordlessly, and for a long moment they held each other close. “That scares me,” Elijah said against Sean’s tee shirt.

“I’m sorry, babe.” His fingers trailed down Elijah’s face. “It’s not a scary feeling. It’s more… just… sad.”

He felt Elijah’s lips against his cheek and smiled. “It’s how I’ve felt since we’ve been apart. Sad. I didn’t know how to take it back, or even if I should. I only knew I was lonely.”

“We don’t have to solve it all in one night, Sean.”

“No, but we do have to solve it. I don’t want it to be like it was. I want something more… substantial. More… committed.”

Elijah eyebrows rose. “You’re not talking about leaving them are you?”

“No. Not yet, I’m not.” He looked deeply into Elijah’s eyes. “I will in time. I know that now. But not yet.” He tugged on Elijah’s tee shirt. "You seem a bit overdressed.”

“I wasn’t sure you wanted me to… wanted us to…” He sighed and shook his head. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“I want us to be together! I just hesitated to insert myself back into your life when you seemed to have found someone… have found… a… a different kind of happiness.”

“Sean, I love a lot of people. But I’m only ‘in love’ with one person.”

Sean smiled then tugged again on Elijah’s shirt. “Take this off, OK?”

"I will if you will. But…"

"But what, Irish?"

"What if Mac comes in!"

Elijah giggled. "I've got his key."

They both smiled simultaneously and began shedding clothing as quickly as their trembling fingers would allow. Then they lay naked on the bed staring at each other. Sean swallowed hard. "Did we forget how to do this?"

"I feel…," Elijah paused. “I dunno. I feel awkward. Almost shy. Now that's weird. Oh, and Sean… by the way."

Sean's eyes met his expectantly.

"I don't have to take you back. I never let you go."

Sean leaned in suddenly capturing Elijah's lips in a kiss so hungry it instantly dissolved them both. Sean's arm wrapped around Elijah and crushed their bodies together as his other hand slid up into his hair, pulling Elijah even more deeply into their kiss. As Elijah's lips moved against his, he whimpered, fingers clutching Elijah's hair, gasping as the feeling of their closeness and the lips he adored set his body on fire.

He broke the kiss to look into Elijah's eyes, then kissed him again, more gently. Like a dam breaking, all the feelings he'd been suppressing for months thundered through his body. He was molded by them, formed by them. He felt in that moment that he only existed as a vessel for this love that was at the center of his life and heart. It wasn't just his body, but his soul that hungered and thirsted for Elijah, and he kissed him again with a mindless passion that threatened to overwhelm him.

And as his lips, once again, claimed Elijah's and the desire flamed through his body, he thought how empty and formless his life had been during the long months of their separation. How lonely he had been. How sad were the long hours without the bright light that kindled his hope for joy. "Never again," he whispered hoarsely. "I'll never let you go again."

He heard a soft chuckle and felt ragged fingernails clawing down his back. "You didn't let me go this time, duffus!"

Sean blinked and lifted his head to gaze at his young lover. "You call that letting me go," Elijah said with a grin. "Every time you'd see me, you'd look at me like a hungry tiger staring at a pound of raw meat, and you call that letting go? You think I’m blind?"

"You could have said something," Sean growled, his teeth nipping at Elijah's neck.

"Like WHAT?" Elijah snorted. "Here, kitty, kitty?"

Sean silenced him with another kiss, and rolled Elijah to his back, crushing their bodies together. He undulated, feeling drugged by the sensation of Elijah's skin against his own and cried out with the ferocity of his desire. He craved this way of making love with Elijah. Not taking him from behind, but face to face, body to body, heart to heart. For Sean… this was the true meaning of intimacy, Elijah in his arms. And as he came… and saw his lover's face glow with a rapturous beauty as he came too… he felt he was taking a vow as sacred to him as his marriage vow. One that bound him to Elijah forever.

For a long time they lay together kissing softly as their bodies slowly relaxed. Finally, Sean slid carefully off Elijah and lay on his side next to him, stroking his arm. "I want us to get a place," he announced.

"What kind of place?"

"OUR place! Someplace that's ours alone. A small house maybe or an apartment. Something. Somewhere that we can go and be at home. A place that reflects US."

"Jesus, Sean!"

"You don't want to?"

"It's not that." Elijah thought for a moment. "Yes. I do want to. I just don't know what brought this on. Are you sure you're not jumping too quickly because we just got back together?"

"No. I want us to have more commitment. As much commitment as I can give you until the girls are older. And that seemed one obvious place where I could start. Could begin to show you that I'm serious. And that I won't ever be apart from you again."

"I'm for it," Elijah said softly. "Just the thought of looking for it sounds so wonderful."

Sean smiled and snuggled happily against him. "I saw Charlie with his arm around you," Sean admitted. "Pissed me off."

"Yeah," Elijah said. "He just… like… hung it around my neck." He grinned and nudged Sean with his elbow. "And I thought... 'That's not how Sean does it. He grabs my neck like a vise. And I'm smiling… but inside I'm going 'PINCHED NERVE! PINCHED NERVE!', and you're all smiling and grabbing me going: 'No one notices! No one notices!'"

"No one does," Sean murmured.

Elijah giggled hysterically. "Mac's gonna be up here soon."

"Wanna go torment him for awhile?" Sean asked with a grin.

"Yeah! He'll be dying to know what went on up here. Let's go torture him with knowing looks and silence." He giggled again and reached for his jeans.

Sean stopped him, and caught him close again. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "For any pain I caused you… I'm so sorry."

"It's over," Elijah said. "We've taken our relationship to a new level now. I trust you, Sean."

Sean kissed him quickly and reached for his briefs. "Torment Mac then have breakfast! Sounds like a great morning."

"As long as we're together," Elijah said quietly. "Every morning is great."

"We will be."


	2. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel written for Mews1945

They were just outside the door to Elijah's suite when Sean grabbed his arm, stopping him as he reached to unlock the door. Before Elijah could open his mouth to inquire, he was slammed against the door and held there by Sean's body. At almost the same instant, Sean's mouth covered his in a kiss filled with such fierce hunger that Elijah gasped and felt his knees weaken.

The key card dropped from his fingers as Sean deepened the kiss, tongues caressing, bodies molded one to the other, touching from knees to lips. Elijah tried to speak, but Sean's kiss was too demanding to allow it. The best he could manage was a choked whimper as Sean's kiss set his body on fire. Then he drew in a trembling breath. "Sean?" he choked.

"Shhh.." Sean whispered against his lips, then kissed him again with such force that Elijah heard their teeth click together. His big hands were on either side of Elijah's head, holding him gently but firmly as their lips merged in a kiss of deepest passion and intimacy.

Finally Sean's grip on Elijah's face eased a bit, and he tilted his head back to gaze into his eyes. "Just wanted to do that before we went in," Sean half-whispered. "Had to… had to… " He kissed Elijah again. "Had to…" his voice trailed off.

Elijah’s hands reached to cover Sean’s, pressing them harder against him as they cradled his face. “Had to…” Elijah whispered in response. “You had to…”

Sean kissed him again, nodding.

Elijah’s soft laugh shuddered against Sean’s lips, taking his breath.

Elijah’s hands slid to Sean’s wrists and gripped them tightly; he felt his knees weaken again. “You don’t see me for months… but now you can’t walk 50 feet without kissing me?”

Sean nodded again, leaning back a bit. “I can’t, and that’s a fact.”

“We’re suppose to go in there and tease Mackenzie,” Elijah said. “Fool him. Not let him know what's happened between us.”

“Right.”

“Gonna be a bit tough now isn't it?” Elijah said, laughing. He arched, rubbing his very obvious hard-on against Sean’s just-as-noticeable erection. “Or do you think Mack won’t notice.”

Sean leaned in again, his lips sliding against Elijah’s throat. He pressed him against the door again, moaning softly. “I don’t give a fuck what he notices.”

The door behind them suddenly jerked open! “What the fuck!” spouted Mackenzie Astin. He instinctively reached to grab Elijah as he stumbled backwards, propelled by Sean who was stumbling forward. They all staggered, off-balance, grabbing at the door, each other, anything else within reach, all to no avail. They tumbled to the floor… Sean sprawled on top of Elijah who was flat on his back on top of Mackenzie.

For a moment the three lay silent, breathless from their fall, then Elijah began to giggle helplessly. Sean lifted his head and for a moment they stared at each other, then he, too, began to giggle.

“Well, what the fuck!” muttered Mackenzie, wriggling out from the bottom of the pile. “Would you two please move?” He shoved Elijah off him and struggled to his feet.

Sean collapsed on top of Elijah, helpless with mirth while Elijah’s laughter rose, merging with Sean's.

“Oh yeah,” Mackenzie said, straightening his clothes. “Very fuckin’ funny! What the hell were you two doing?”

Sean got up and held out his hand to Elijah. And as Sean pulled him to his feet Elijah laughed again. “What were we doing? Well, umm… we were…”

“I was getting something out of his eye,” Sean said, and then unable to stop himself, he snickered.

Elijah looked around. The room was empty. “Where’d everyone go?”

Mackenzie walked back toward the kitchen. “I tossed them out after you left. You two hungry?”

Sean and Elijah followed him into the tiny kitchen and perched on tall stools at the breakfast bar, side by side. Mackenzie, standing behind the breakfast bar, poured them each a coffee and for a while they sipped the hot liquid in companionable silence.

“So…” Mackenzie drawled, “… something in your eye, huh?”

Sean shot a quick glance at Elijah and quickly slurped his coffee, choking back another snicker.

"Riiiiight," Mac drawled, rolling his eyes.

Elijah assumed an injured air. "You doubt our word?"

"I heard you hit the door…" Mack said dryly, "… several times."

Sean snickered again but at Elijah's quick, glaring glance he coughed and cleared his throat, trying to cover up his laughter. "Damn!" he muttered. "Frog in my throat."

"Please," Mackenzie said, his face expressionless. "When I left you last night you were bashing furniture with your bare fist in a fit of suicidal depression. Now you're giggling uncontrollably and I practically caught you in mid-act boinking prince charming here against the door a minute ago. So spare me the act."

"Boinking?" Elijah said in pretend shock. "BOINKING?!"

"Boinking," Mackenzie replied without missing a beat, barely giving Elijah a glance. He peered more closely at Sean who managed to peek at him only once before dissolving into laughter, his face buried in his arms as they rested on the breakfast bar, his whole body shaking.

Elijah shook his head in disgust. "You, Astin," he said, leaning over Sean's shaking form, "are a fuckin' wuss. You couldn't maintain for 60 fucking seconds?"

Sean's response was an even more high-pitched giggle only slightly muffled against the arm of his sweater. "Sorry," he managed to squeak.

Elijah turned to Mackenzie and shrugged. But to Elijah's surprise Mack's deadpan expression had changed to one of delight and joy. He gave Elijah a brief hug and whispered against his ear: "Thank you."

Elijah looked his surprise.

"It's been awhile since I've seen him this happy," Mackenzie said softly.

Hearing this, Sean lifted his head and smiled. "I haven't been happy lately?"

Mackenzie gave him a disbelieving look. He reached out and took Sean's hand in his, turning it so that the scraped, bruised knuckles came into view.

Sean pulled his hand away, glancing sheepishly at Elijah. "Mack, don't," he said softly, drawing his hand quickly away.

Elijah wrapped his arm around Sean's neck and was quickly embraced. "Never mind hiding it," he said, pulling Sean's hand out where he could see it. "I know all about your boxing match with the furniture last night."

Sean frowned at Mackenzie, who shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey! Obviously it worked. From what I'm seeing… you two have apparently had some kind of reconciliation."

Sean looked down and blushed, but didn't release Elijah.

"So maybe I won you the sympathy vote, huh?" Mackenzie said, grinning.

Sean scowled through his blush, but Elijah laughed. "No sympathy about it. I'm just happy we're together again."

Mackenzie looked at them and nodded. "Me too, buddy. Me too."


End file.
